Thursday, February 7

Book Club: The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage...

Chapter One
"Me Tarzan. You Jane."

In this chapter, Dr. Laura highlights some survey questions she asked men and women to respond to on her website. These queries include: What do you, as a man/woman, most admire about women/men in general? What do you least admire about women/men in general? What do you most fear in a relationship with a woman/man? What is the single, most important expectation you have in a wife/husband?

As Dr. Laura notes, the responses she received from men and women are surprisingly "retro." Most men surveyed really want a feminine woman and most women surveyed desire a masculine man.

Though I read through the answers that the women surveyed gave, I really tried to study the answers from the men. Interestingly enough, many of the responses given are attributes that I either hope to have (being cheerful, loving, kind, courteous, respectful, etc.) or ones that I strive to eliminate (moodiness, manipulation, nagging, negative emotions, an inability to understand, appreciate, and build up my man, etc).

My favorite quote from this chapter is towards the very end:

"JUST DO what you know your spouse needs and wants to feel important to you - what you know any woman or man would appreciate. It will... be lovingly reciprocated."

What I would like to try to work on is my general attitude about what I need to do as a wife, mother, and homemaker. Lately, I have been struggling with being peaceful and cheerful in the evening. Though I try not to verbally complain, I know that my inner complaints can be heard loud and clear through my actions and deep sighs. Yes, it is hard to wrangle a toddler at bedtime! Yes, it is hard to nurse and cuddle a wiggly baby when all you want to do is read and rest without interruption for a few hours. Yes, it is hard to see the rooms you recently tidied strewn with toys, socks and shoes, glasses, and other paraphernalia! This is life. I will feel so much better (and much less guilty) if I am able to finish the day with a cheerful and loving heart rather than one of a poor, pitiful martyr! It will be a struggle, but it can be done.


What is something that you can do that will bless your spouse?


Courtney said...

I've been working on the cheerful and patient aspect. I've been a lot better the past few days, and it's made a huge difference in the general mood of our house. Though my DH is still working long hours and coming home late and DS suddenly stopped sleeping for three nights running, we've all been a lot more relaxed and happy. Seeing the impact it's already had on our relationship, I'm definitely going to keep that up! My other "something" is to try and stay awake a little later, especially nights I know DH isn't coming home until late. It's so nice to have even five minutes to catch up on the day!

Tiffany said...

My hubby is an E.R. physician, and has been working 12 hour shifts 7 out of the last 8 days. I know he comes in soar and spent, so I've been giving him back rubs at night. I have also been trying to greet him with a loving, joyful attitude when he comes in at 12:30pm, not watching the clock like ok let's hurry up- I want to go to bed myself. Sometimes I even take a nap and have him wake me when he gets home- so I can spend time with him and help him unwind w/ a back rub. We've had the best talks lately, during this time together! Blessings on your day!

New Mom said...

It was funny to hear you say that your house was strewn with toys and socks. I read about how you tidy the house 3 times a day and thought "Wow, I wish I could get Elon to stop throwing his toys all over the place! It must be because she has a girl." It is difficult to see your efforts to neaten things up turn to naught 2 minutes later! I think I'll practice not complaining about Elon being so rambunctious with Nathan asks me about my day.

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