By Matushka
Valerie Zahirsky
Those colorful pages
of store ads that come tucked into the Sunday newspaper tell us something about
our culture. They tell us that every day has become the same as every other
day. Here is the ad for chocolates wrapped in red and decorated with hearts on
sale for Valentine’s Day. Identical chocolates but in a different shape and
wrapped in red and green were on sale for Christmas. And a month from now, no
matter how long it is till Easter, they’ll be offered for sale in egg or bunny
shapes and wrapped in pastel colors. But it’s the same chocolate, the same
sales pitch, the same enticing “sale price.” Christmas, Valentine’s Day, Easter
— what’s the difference? One day is like all the others. We constantly
experience this sad reduction of all days to one day. It’s certainly convenient
in some ways (you can buy your chocolate any day of the week because the stores
are always open) but sameness can be deadly, leading us almost imperceptibly
from boredom to depression to despair.
An Antidote to Sameness
Standing as an
antidote to this numbing sameness is the insistence of the Orthodox Church that
all days are decidedly not the same. If we really pay attention to the rhythm
of the church year and let it permeate our family life, we won’t be bored. We
won’t be tempted to that despair that is the opposite of peace because it makes
us feel angry and cheated: wasn’t there supposed to be more to life than this
endless roll of identical days?
Our homes can reflect
the peace of knowing that life is leading us somewhere, and that we are
preparing for something. A simple act like keeping the Wednesday and Friday
fast (not refraining altogether from eating, but refraining from animal
products) can be a constant reminder that we are not bound to this world. We
are in it, and we care for it and honor it as God’s creation, but we have a
higher destiny, and fasting helps us prepare for that destiny by loosening the
grip that this world has on us. We won’t die without meat and butter, we learn
with relief. In fact, our bodies and souls may be lightened enough to hear
God’s voice more clearly than before.
Anticipation
Another antidote to
boredom is anticipation. This, too, is part of the Orthodox rhythm of life that
can be reflected in our homes. Great Lent is a prime example. Our culture, if
it pays attention to Lent at all, treats it as a somber period during which we
must “give up” something. And even this has now become a joke. For several
weeks before Easter the sign outside our local car wash reads “Don’t give up a
clean car for Lent!”
But Great Lent in our
families can be a period of nurturing a peaceful atmosphere that gives us time
and mental quietude to prepare for the Resurrection. Cutting down on outside
activities, giving less of our time to TV or radio, ignoring for just a few
precious weeks the noisy entertainments that constantly grab at our attention —
all these things can help us maintain a state of reflective anticipation. This
is why the Church urges us to look at Great Lent as a gift rather than a
deprivation. It is a gift of time — a piece of special time we are given to
remember what a great victory has been achieved for us, and what a great
destiny awaits us.
Like the Prodigal
Son, we may have squandered everything our loving Father has given us. But we
have the chance now to recognize, reflect on, and rectify that sin. We can go
back to Him. He will receive us with love and without reproach. And when the
day of the Resurrection comes, we will be among those once dead who now know
that Christ has “trampled down death by death” for us. That knowledge is true
peace.
We Belong to Someone
A major source of
disquiet for many people in our culture is a feeling of rootlessness. We want
to belong; we want to have a purpose in common with others. This is another
gift the Church offers us, and one we should strive to share with those not yet
in the Church. We belong, first of all, because we are one with the creation of
God that worships Him and acknowledges Him as its maker. Jesus Christ referred
to this when He said to the Pharisees who wanted Him to rebuke His cheering
disciples, “If these should keep silent, the very stones would cry out” (Luke
19: 40).
Because we are part
of, in fact the crowning glory of, God’s creation, we share with the rest of
creation the privilege of offering Him our thanks. This is beautifully
expressed in one of the hymns for Christmas:
Every
creature made by Thee offers Thee thanks: The angels offer a hymn; the heavens,
a star; The wise men, gifts; the shepherds, their wonder; The earth, its cave;
the wilderness, a manger. And we offer Thee a virgin mother!
A family standing
together in front of a candlelit icon of the Nativity of Christ and singing or
reciting this hymn can certainly feel the peace and wonder of knowing that we
have a place in God’s creation.
Icons reassure us
that we also belong to the long-established family of God’s people. For
example, in the icon known as the “Hospitality of Abraham,” based on Genesis
18, the three seated figures represent the angels who visited Abraham with good
news. But the Church understands them as representing the Holy Trinity as well.
Looking at the icon, we remember that we are not only the “heirs of the
promise” made to Abraham; we are also the sons and daughters of the Triune God
who showed Himself to us in Jesus Christ. To have icons prominently visible in
our homes , and to talk as families about what they represent, can bring us the
peace of knowing who we are and whose we are.
Wonderful Promises
A few years ago, a
beer company advertised its product with the slogan, “It doesn’t get any better
than this.” Now, conviviality is a fine thing (though it doesn’t always have to
be beer-induced). But if there are people who really believe that human conviviality
is “as good as it gets,” they haven’t yet heard the Gospel message.
Our homes can be
places where we proclaim that message and challenge the idea that some limited
earthly happiness is all we can ever expect. Look at the icon of the Ascension:
Christ goes up in glory, leaving us with promises that tell us what we can
really expect. He has said, “And when I go and prepare a place for you, I will
come again and will take you to myself, so that where I am you may be also”
(John 14: 3.)
What is this place
that Christ goes to prepare for us? As Saint Paul writes, it is wonderful
beyond our ability to conceive: “What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the
heart of man conceived, what God has prepared for those who love Him” (I Cor 2:
9). So we needn’t scramble to find some meaning in this earthly life, or to
measure its value in terms of beer. Icons and Scripture remind us of the
promises of God. They tell us that His purpose and plan are at work for us. We
must work to fulfill the plan and purpose, but we can be at peace knowing that
He has declared the great things He has in store.
Just by displaying
the icon of the Ascension, we create an opportunity to talk about these things
in our families. We can offer a mealtime prayer thanking God for His promises,
and asking His strength to help us be worthy of them in our lives. Feeling a
sense of life’s divine purpose will contribute to our families’ peacefulness of
heart. It will dispel the restlessness that constantly disturbs those who
search for meaning and who know perfectly well that if it “doesn’t get better
than this,” there is not much point in it at all.
Choosing a Different Course
D.H. Lawrence’s “The
Rocking Horse Winner” is the story of a family whose mother is bent on becoming
socially prominent. Her ambitions drive her to need more and more money, and
the pressure of this is reflected in the family. Lawrence writes that the house
itself seems constantly to whisper, “There must be more money. There must be
more money.”
The loving young son
in the family wants to help his mother. He discovers an extraordinary talent in
himself: by riding his rocking horse with great attention and intensity, he can
discover the names of winners in future horse races. He does this for several
months, placing bets through the family’s gardener and secretly giving his
winnings to his mother.
But the huge effort
takes a terrible toll on the boy, as his mother’s ambitions and needs grow. She
worries about his deteriorating condition, but has no idea what is causing it.
The boy finally works himself to death on his rocking horse in one last extreme
effort to still the whisper of “There must be more money.”
Though Lawrence’s
story is set in England decades ago, it reverberates in our society today. Many
families and homes are uneasy because of a perceived need to accumulate as much
money and “stuff” as possible. This need can drive us unrelentingly, especially
because the ability to accumulate is widely seen as a sign of success.
Once again, the
Church offers us a chance to step back and take another look at those things
that may be driving us. The troparion used for several saints, including the
beloved Nicholas of Myra, contains these words: “Because of your poverty,
riches were granted to you.”
Suppose this line
from the hymn was made part of a family discussion with the question, “What do
you think these words mean?” Suppose too that the discussion could be brought
around to the idea that many saints chose material poverty in order to pursue
spiritual riches without any distractions. This idea might open up a whole new
way of thinking for our children, so accustomed to seeing prominent figures who
are willing to do almost anything to pile up wealth for themselves.
We can look at more
recent Church members. The Grand Duchess Elizabeth, sister of the last Russian
Tsarina, Alexandra, was one of the most beautiful and privileged women of her
time. Raised a Protestant, she eventually embraced Orthodoxy and wrote letters
to her grandmother, Queen Victoria, explaining her choice. After her husband’s
assassination, she chose monasticism, and she chose martyrdom in Russia during
the Revolution, though her fellow European royals would gladly have gotten her
out of Russia before her arrest, had she chosen to leave. But she refused to
abandon the nuns in the monastery she served as abbess, nor could she turn her
back on the poor and needy people of Moscow who depended on her.
It may be that we and
our children will not make choices that go so dramatically against the
mainstream as Saints Nicholas and Elizabeth did, but by offering us examples of
people who made such choices and who achieved spiritual greatness, the Church
reminds us that this path is at open to us no less than to them. That knowledge
can bring peace to people — young or old — who have to make a living in the
success-oriented world, but who also seek the Kingdom of God.
Everybody Fits In
We all know that each
human being is unique, yet most of us want to “fit in.” For some people that is
much harder than for others. Unusual personalities or interests, even physical
appearance, can make being part of the group difficult. For children and young
people especially, this can be a real problem, troubling to the soul.
The great panoply of
saints can offer peace to a troubled young soul. If in our homes we follow the
daily calendar of saints, we can introduce our children to holy people so
varied in their abilities and personal styles that anyone can find a “model” in
one of them, if not more than one.
The saints’ stories
are often surprising. Who would have thought that gentle Saint Nicholas could
strike anyone, even the arch-heretic Arius? The stories of the saints open
several layers of meaning that invite us to dig deeper into them. For example,
Saint Simeon the Stylite, living on his pillar, intrigues us with his approach
to holiness. It adds to our amazement to learn that he did not stay in
isolation, but counseled and prayed for the countless people who came to him
for advice and guidance. Perhaps most surprising of all, when his monastic
elders asked him, as an obedience, to come down from the pillar where he had
become such a revered figure, Simeon did so immediately. There is much to be
learned and contemplated in these “layers” of Saint Simeon’s story!
All the saints’ lives
tell us that any person, and any kind of person, can find the peace of God.
If we can make our
homes places that reflect God’s love, our children will believe that Jesus
Christ speaks the truth when He says, “My peace I give to you… Let not your
hearts be troubled; neither let them be afraid” (John 14: 27).
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